Lucy Lime

A long time ago, this site began on wordpress. I detest wordpress because with all of my higher education and yet lack of intelligence, I could not get the damned thing to do what I wanted. Some emails have come my way to let me know that the wordpress site is still up and sporadically working. I have yet to see this but I totally believe you.

I moved to blogger because it is so easy the two year old could use it. Hey, who am I kidding? He could most likely use wordpress, too.

Soon, very soon, I hope to merge all the various blogs and sites and such into just a couple. I like this one because it provides a great outlet, anonymously, unless you know me. But, with the new babe coming, I know it will be a pain to send pics and updates to everyone via email so I am thinking a nice, family/co-worker friendly site would be better.

God. I wish I didn't suck at web design.

Labels: blog

My mother drives me nuts. I mean, absolutely batty. When I talk to her, I just want to yell at her. When I hang up, I feel great having got crap off my chest but horrible that she probably thinks it came out of nowhere.

My biggest issue with her is I feel she just doesn't do the right thing.

I've called her on several lies. For instance, she said she was away for a weekend with her cousin but in actuality, she was holed up with her boyfriend in a hotel room. The woman is an adult. She can do what she wants and doesn't have to answer to anyone. So why does she lie? I never even asked her where she was or with whom she was with. She offered the false alibi and then called me periodically through the weekend to tell me of the wonderful time she and her cousin were having doing this or that, going here and there. In fact, she was not. Why concoct this lie? I called her on it a while ago and she said she was sorry but never gave me a reason why she thought to do it in the first place. This specific instance has been what has made me question everything she tells me since then. There was no reason to lie and now it is in the front of my mind whenever I speak with her.

Then there is a matter of money. She was supposed to get an amount of money back that my grandmother had allotted to all her kids and my father. My father told my mother he didn't want it and to divide it up between me and my brother, or whatever. When I confronted her on it, she said he told her to do whatever she wanted with it so she decided to take me and my husband to Vegas with her and her boyfriend. A surprise trip if you will. Does this sound like something I would ever like to do? Seriously, any of you who knows me, can you say this is anything I'd do? I think it was some explanation to excuse her behavior. Then, she says I obviously could use the money more than a trip so she would send it to me. After taxes and all, she sent $1000. Now, this is nothing to scoff at but there were no taxes on it. It was money that was invested at a loss so there were NO TAXES. And, an uncle confirmed that the amount was quite more than this. Like $4800. No fucking taxes.

She told me that she had already budgeted her vacation money for the year and her boyfriend had planned time off and that since she was sending money to me instead of taking me on a trip where we would all get to spend time together, that she did not have the time or money left to make a trip out to directly see me this year. I knew she would change her tune the moment I told her I was pregnant and she would want to fly right out to see the new baby. I was right.

In fact, so right was I that about a month or so ago she called to ask me if I wanted her at the birth. Now, how does one tell her own mother no to something like this without hurting her feelings? I didn't want to beat around the bush and then feel bad about it later. I did not want to string her on. The truth is, I really want this birth to happen with me and my husband present. No one else. My friend will most likely be here to take charge of my two year old but that is it.

I do not feel close to my mother and never have. And it is not just me. She does not feel close to me, either. When I think of my mom, I do not think of someone warm and nurturing. She's not awful, which I am sure that is what she would be reading into this if she ever read this, but we just are not close. It happens. I feel bad about it but how do you get close to someone you feel has been trying push you away for 30 years? This is what I feel my mother has done with her insults (that she does not remember making, mind you). Perhaps not intentionally, but maybe because of her relationship with her own mother. One day I would like to have a great relationship with her but I fear we just can't.

In fact, the relationship between us has scared me of the idea of having a daughter of my own.

I do not hate her. I just want her to act like someone I can call if I need advice or just to talk. I've never felt like I could tell her anything without it being told to all her friends or over analyzed.

Labels: frustration, mom

Tomorrow school starts up for the summer. I have had a pretty good week off, save for a few administrative duties/personal HR issues.

Need to get to work early tomorrow to set up my course on WebCT. The site the web dude sent me to is not working properly. Yay.

Need to close some old blogs and web things. Too many sites to remember logging info on. Can you say minimize?!

Need to find something to do today to get son out of house!

Happy Birthday, Husband!

Weeks from now, when you get around to reading my blog, you will find this post in your honor. You will get to read how that lovely chocolate pie that the aunts make, and that you want me to make you for your birthdays, well....it's recipe went missing.

I had it yesterday. This morning even. Unfortunately, when I asked you where the pie pan was.... well I placed the recipe card on top of it. And since the pie pan is missing, so is the recipe.

So, instead of freaking out, I thought... WWHD? (What would Hamish Do?) He would search Lochdubh far and wide to find the missing recipe. I did that. I think it got thrown away somehow. I am at a huge loss.

So, WWHD? if it were no where to be found. He'd get on the fucking internet and find a fucking recipe and pray that it tasted fucking good.

So that is how your pie was made.

I love you and happy birthday!

Labels: birthday, food, husband

All day long... Daddy, daddy, daddy

Woke up this morning, went to Half Priced Books (a dangerous place for bookwhores like my husband and I, even our son loves books). They were having an extra 20% off everything sale due to the holiday. Again, very dangerous.

The very first thing my husband does, every time we go to the bookstore, is put his mini-me into the cart and head over to the children's section. Every time, without fail. Our son always gets a book even if my husband and I don't. Seriously, the kid lives for books. So they are over there picking out books, several of them, and I join in. I find some I know little man likes (Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, specifically) and toss it into the cart. I see that he is already fixated on a book about numbers that "Daddy" picked out. He is obsessed with it. Starfish, numbers, leaves, numbers, clocks, numbers, games, numbers, animals, numbers..... it's all in there. I can see why he loves it. Long story short, we look around and two bags full later, we leave.

Little man insists on reading that book in the car. At breakfast. Carrying it in the house all by himself. He loves it. Hubby is in the office and overhears me make a comment to the boy about "Gee, you sure do love that book" when he interjects "that daddy bought you."

I ignore him.

I further comment that little man is so good at reading the numbers in the book when hubby yells "that daddy bought you."

Everything I say is finished with "that daddy bought/stole/made/found/thought of for you."

When I fall silent, I hear "Wow, what a GREAT mummy you have...that daddy picked out for you."

Guess what my son says all the freaking time.....

Yeah, 'daddy.' Even when daddy has gone down another aisle, little man says 'daddy.'

Labels: Daddy, son

SO this whole pregnancy thing pisses me off. Something is supposed to happen to me called NESTING. Unfortunately, it didn't happen with son number one and it is not going on with son number two.

I have decided to be proactive.

I am forcing myself to nest. You see, I have this disorder. I am not sure if it has a name but whenever I get mad, I clean. I purposely tried to work myself up into a frenzy today so I could partake in a little self-induced nesting.

I petered out after an hour.

WHY CAN'T I NEST? People promised me it would happen last time and they are all LIARS!

Labels: cleaning, nesting, pregnancy

How come my kid can take his diaper off even with his clothes over it? A bodysuit is no match for this kid! How in the hell does he know how to pull a Zoolander?

And why will he go potty on top of the lid of the potty chair but refuses to sit on it and do the deed correctly?

What's the deal with wanting to watch mummy or daddy use the big potty but screaming in pure agony if we start to perch him upon it?

Why will he squat but not sit? Do we live in effing France or something? Is this the Jungle Book?

Dear lord. He hates to wet or dirty his pants. Heinsists on us immediately cleaning him or the surface in which he pottied, but will not help us out by doing it in his little potty.

Oy vey!

Labels: potty training

How in the hell does time fly by so quickly?

Here's the update:

• I do not have TB. Huge scare on campus as a student tested positive and has been hospitalized for weeks. Unfortunately, I found out around 10:30pm this past Tuesday that the student was mine. Not just mine, but a student I worked closely with. Got tested, I'm negatory. Will have to be tested in three months for the "all clear."
• Finished the semester. Yay, me! Only had a few issues with student grades. A graduating senior threw a fit because he said he couldn't graduate with a D. He wanted a C. He didn't earn a C so he was really pissed. Said I gave him a D to spite him. I have never spited a student. Nor have I ever given a grade. He still graduated yesterday. Another student had attendance problems, missing work, and several poor marks. Why the shock when a D for one course and an F for another were assigned?
  
• Found out that I was bumped up to full-time status back in March. Guess who qualifies for insurance? And, guess who makes tons more money? Oh, and guess who gets to teach courses other than Freshman Comp?
  
• Since I have been here, I have only taught one semester of a freshman level writing course. The rest have been upper-division literature and writing courses. My schedule for the fall and next spring, yes, I got my schedule more than a week in advance (academics know exactly what I am talking about) is filled withe upper-divisions. Oh, what a glorious job I have.
• I have the rest of the month off!
• Two-year-old is a non-conformist and his preschool refers to him as Damien. I know this purely by accident and because the director of the school left me a voice mail telling me that little Damien's pictures were in. I mentioned it to her in a later conversation and all the life drained out of that woman. Clearly, it was a slip of the tongue on her part that she so regretted.
  

I think that is about it for now. Hubby is off to a going away party so I am going to finish a chick movie I started the other day.

Labels: job, son

Nothing really new to update. Been to the midwife, lost weight, vitals and all that jazz = fabulous.

My son's teacher has been out so he has had to deal with a substitute and the normal assistant teacher. Only issue is his actual teacher is caring and spends actual loving and caring time with each of the kids and the assistant is anything but warm. If a kid acts up, she writes them off. He is no dummy and he has picked up on that big time. When I picked him up on Tuesday, he was super sad. He wanted me to hug him the whole time and when I had to put him in the car so we could go, he threw a fit. Not a tantrum, but a sad fit. He was desperate for some affection. I cuddled him some more and had to hold his hand the whole way home. He hated being around the assistant. I mean, when you are a little fella it has to be scary to be stuck in a room with a stranger and the teacher you know has no interest in you.

I may just take him to work with me tomorrow. I have to grade in my office all afternoon so I might take a video along.

Other than that an me being exhausted, nothing new to report.

Labels: pregnancy, sleep or lack thereof, work