Lucy Lime

My thong is coming to kill me...quick, call 911!

2008-06-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

Macrida Patterson is my hero. She sounds trannylicious. Enjoy.

And if I hear that lawyer fraud say "basically" one more time I might sabotage his thongs!

Pregnancy woe

2008-06-13T14:43:00.001-07:00

Have you ever heard that once you get to a certain point in your pregnancy, you shouldn't lay flat on your back? Something about compressing the spine and nerves and other important body things? Well, I am at that stage. Whenever I lay directly on my back, I get a bit of the light headedness. So, I don't do that anymore. I have found that my posture totally sucks, though. There are times, several times throughout the day actually, when I have to force myself to sit up straight, take a deep breath and stretch my shoulder blades out. If I don't, I get that weird feeling again.

My concern? How many times does this have to happen to me before I retard my kid?

Why sons are better than daughters, part 1

2008-06-12T19:01:00.001-07:00

I am so glad I am having another beautiful, amazing, fabulous son. The thought of a daughter frightens the shit out of me. Of course, I would be thrilled should he really be a she in the end; however, I would eat my own poop before I dropped money on these. Thankfully, I have yet to find anything so ridiculous for boys. All the silly crap are for daughters.

Oh, and I know many people with beautiful, amazing, fabulous daughters. I just know mine would be totally screwed with me as a mom. You guys can all do the honors.

War o' the websites!

2008-05-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

A long time ago, this site began on wordpress. I detest wordpress because with all of my higher education and yet lack of intelligence, I could not get the damned thing to do what I wanted. Some emails have come my way to let me know that the wordpress site is still up and sporadically working. I have yet to see this but I totally believe you.

I moved to blogger because it is so easy the two year old could use it. Hey, who am I kidding? He could most likely use wordpress, too.

Soon, very soon, I hope to merge all the various blogs and sites and such into just a couple. I like this one because it provides a great outlet, anonymously, unless you know me. But, with the new babe coming, I know it will be a pain to send pics and updates to everyone via email so I am thinking a nice, family/co-worker friendly site would be better.

God. I wish I didn't suck at web design.

And another thing...

2008-05-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

My mother drives me nuts. I mean, absolutely batty. When I talk to her, I just want to yell at her. When I hang up, I feel great having got crap off my chest but horrible that she probably thinks it came out of nowhere.

My biggest issue with her is I feel she just doesn't do the right thing.

I've called her on several lies. For instance, she said she was away for a weekend with her cousin but in actuality, she was holed up with her boyfriend in a hotel room. The woman is an adult. She can do what she wants and doesn't have to answer to anyone. So why does she lie? I never even asked her where she was or with whom she was with. She offered the false alibi and then called me periodically through the weekend to tell me of the wonderful time she and her cousin were having doing this or that, going here and there. In fact, she was not. Why concoct this lie? I called her on it a while ago and she said she was sorry but never gave me a reason why she thought to do it in the first place. This specific instance has been what has made me question everything she tells me since then. There was no reason to lie and now it is in the front of my mind whenever I speak with her.

Then there is a matter of money. She was supposed to get an amount of money back that my grandmother had allotted to all her kids and my father. My father told my mother he didn't want it and to divide it up between me and my brother, or whatever. When I confronted her on it, she said he told her to do whatever she wanted with it so she decided to take me and my husband to Vegas with her and her boyfriend. A surprise trip if you will. Does this sound like something I would ever like to do? Seriously, any of you who knows me, can you say this is anything I'd do? I think it was some explanation to excuse her behavior. Then, she says I obviously could use the money more than a trip so she would send it to me. After taxes and all, she sent $1000. Now, this is nothing to scoff at but there were no taxes on it. It was money that was invested at a loss so there were NO TAXES. And, an uncle confirmed that the amount was quite more than this. Like $4800. No fucking taxes.

She told me that she had already budgeted her vacation money for the year and her boyfriend had planned time off and that since she was sending money to me instead of taking me on a trip where we would all get to spend time together, that she did not have the time or money left to make a trip out to directly see me this year. I knew she would change her tune the moment I told her I was pregnant and she would want to fly right out to see the new baby. I was right.

In fact, so right was I that about a month or so ago she called to ask me if I wanted her at the birth. Now, how does one tell her own mother no to something like this without hurting her feelings? I didn't want to beat around the bush and then feel bad about it later. I did not want to string her on. The truth is, I really want this birth to happen with me and my husband present. No one else. My friend will most likely be here to take charge of my two year old but that is it.

I do not feel close to my mother and never have. And it is not just me. She does not feel close to me, either. When I think of my mom, I do not think of someone warm and nurturing. She's not awful, which I am sure that is what she would be reading into this if she ever read this, but we just are not close. It happens. I feel bad about it but how do you get close to someone you feel has been trying push you away for 30 years? This is what I feel my mother has done with her insults (that she does not remember making, mind you). Perhaps not intentionally, but maybe because of her relationship with her own mother. One day I would like to have a great relationship with her but I fear we just can't.

In fact, the relationship between us has scared me of the idea of having a daughter of my own.

I do not hate her. I just want her to act like someone I can call if I need advice or just to talk. I've never felt like I could tell her anything without it being told to all her friends or over analyzed.

Much to do, so I'll blog instead of doing it all

2008-05-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow school starts up for the summer. I have had a pretty good week off, save for a few administrative duties/personal HR issues.

Need to get to work early tomorrow to set up my course on WebCT. The site the web dude sent me to is not working properly. Yay.

Need to close some old blogs and web things. Too many sites to remember logging info on. Can you say minimize?!

Need to find something to do today to get son out of house!

Happy Birthday!

2008-05-26T19:19:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday, Husband!

Weeks from now, when you get around to reading my blog, you will find this post in your honor. You will get to read how that lovely chocolate pie that the aunts make, and that you want me to make you for your birthdays, well....it's recipe went missing.

I had it yesterday. This morning even. Unfortunately, when I asked you where the pie pan was.... well I placed the recipe card on top of it. And since the pie pan is missing, so is the recipe.

So, instead of freaking out, I thought... WWHD? (What would Hamish Do?) He would search Lochdubh far and wide to find the missing recipe. I did that. I think it got thrown away somehow. I am at a huge loss.

So, WWHD? if it were no where to be found. He'd get on the fucking internet and find a fucking recipe and pray that it tasted fucking good.

So that is how your pie was made.

I love you and happy birthday!

"Daddy, daddy, daddy" freaking 'daddy'

2008-05-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

All day long... Daddy, daddy, daddy

Woke up this morning, went to Half Priced Books (a dangerous place for bookwhores like my husband and I, even our son loves books). They were having an extra 20% off everything sale due to the holiday. Again, very dangerous.

The very first thing my husband does, every time we go to the bookstore, is put his mini-me into the cart and head over to the children's section. Every time, without fail. Our son always gets a book even if my husband and I don't. Seriously, the kid lives for books. So they are over there picking out books, several of them, and I join in. I find some I know little man likes (Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, specifically) and toss it into the cart. I see that he is already fixated on a book about numbers that "Daddy" picked out. He is obsessed with it. Starfish, numbers, leaves, numbers, clocks, numbers, games, numbers, animals, numbers..... it's all in there. I can see why he loves it. Long story short, we look around and two bags full later, we leave.

Little man insists on reading that book in the car. At breakfast. Carrying it in the house all by himself. He loves it. Hubby is in the office and overhears me make a comment to the boy about "Gee, you sure do love that book" when he interjects "that daddy bought you."

I ignore him.

I further comment that little man is so good at reading the numbers in the book when hubby yells "that daddy bought you."

Everything I say is finished with "that daddy bought/stole/made/found/thought of for you."

When I fall silent, I hear "Wow, what a GREAT mummy you have...that daddy picked out for you."

Guess what my son says all the freaking time.....

Yeah, 'daddy.' Even when daddy has gone down another aisle, little man says 'daddy.'

Not-nesting, nesting

2008-05-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

SO this whole pregnancy thing pisses me off. Something is supposed to happen to me called NESTING. Unfortunately, it didn't happen with son number one and it is not going on with son number two.

I have decided to be proactive.

I am forcing myself to nest. You see, I have this disorder. I am not sure if it has a name but whenever I get mad, I clean. I purposely tried to work myself up into a frenzy today so I could partake in a little self-induced nesting.

I petered out after an hour.

WHY CAN'T I NEST? People promised me it would happen last time and they are all LIARS!

Poo Poo

2008-05-22T13:04:00.001-07:00

How come my kid can take his diaper off even with his clothes over it? A bodysuit is no match for this kid! How in the hell does he know how to pull a Zoolander?

And why will he go potty on top of the lid of the potty chair but refuses to sit on it and do the deed correctly?

What's the deal with wanting to watch mummy or daddy use the big potty but screaming in pure agony if we start to perch him upon it?

Why will he squat but not sit? Do we live in effing France or something? Is this the Jungle Book?

Dear lord. He hates to wet or dirty his pants. Heinsists on us immediately cleaning him or the surface in which he pottied, but will not help us out by doing it in his little potty.

Oy vey!

Updatey updates

2008-05-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

How in the hell does time fly by so quickly?

Here's the update:

I do not have TB. Huge scare on campus as a student tested positive and has been hospitalized for weeks. Unfortunately, I found out around 10:30pm this past Tuesday that the student was mine. Not just mine, but a student I worked closely with. Got tested, I'm negatory. Will have to be tested in three months for the "all clear."
Finished the semester. Yay, me! Only had a few issues with student grades. A graduating senior threw a fit because he said he couldn't graduate with a D. He wanted a C. He didn't earn a C so he was really pissed. Said I gave him a D to spite him. I have never spited a student. Nor have I ever given a grade. He still graduated yesterday. Another student had attendance problems, missing work, and several poor marks. Why the shock when a D for one course and an F for another were assigned?
Found out that I was bumped up to full-time status back in March. Guess who qualifies for insurance? And, guess who makes tons more money? Oh, and guess who gets to teach courses other than Freshman Comp?
Since I have been here, I have only taught one semester of a freshman level writing course. The rest have been upper-division literature and writing courses. My schedule for the fall and next spring, yes, I got my schedule more than a week in advance (academics know exactly what I am talking about) is filled withe upper-divisions. Oh, what a glorious job I have.
I have the rest of the month off!
Two-year-old is a non-conformist and his preschool refers to him as Damien. I know this purely by accident and because the director of the school left me a voice mail telling me that little Damien's pictures were in. I mentioned it to her in a later conversation and all the life drained out of that woman. Clearly, it was a slip of the tongue on her part that she so regretted.

I think that is about it for now. Hubby is off to a going away party so I am going to finish a chick movie I started the other day.

Been a couple of weeks

2008-05-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing really new to update. Been to the midwife, lost weight, vitals and all that jazz = fabulous.

My son's teacher has been out so he has had to deal with a substitute and the normal assistant teacher. Only issue is his actual teacher is caring and spends actual loving and caring time with each of the kids and the assistant is anything but warm. If a kid acts up, she writes them off. He is no dummy and he has picked up on that big time. When I picked him up on Tuesday, he was super sad. He wanted me to hug him the whole time and when I had to put him in the car so we could go, he threw a fit. Not a tantrum, but a sad fit. He was desperate for some affection. I cuddled him some more and had to hold his hand the whole way home. He hated being around the assistant. I mean, when you are a little fella it has to be scary to be stuck in a room with a stranger and the teacher you know has no interest in you.

I may just take him to work with me tomorrow. I have to grade in my office all afternoon so I might take a video along.

Other than that an me being exhausted, nothing new to report.

Crapalicious

2008-04-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

Feeling gross today. Thought I would take a few minutes to purge the body of toxins before lying on the couch to watch a Netflix. Little man is asleep and hubby had poker tonight so I am on my own.

So, I have Shrek feet again. My ankles are swollen like a freak show. Hubs cracked up today when he saw them. The swelling will go down, always does, but in the meantime my toes, which remain quite lean, stick out from these bulbous foot/ankle glop combo. It is silly. I've just been doing way too much and not taking care of myself the way I need to. When will I learn that pregnant gals should not do cartwheels? Bottom line: I need to relax and get my feet up.

My stomach was totally doing weird things today. Namely, expanding. I tried to lay down but my comfort and potential nap was thwarted by this incredible stretching sensation and hardening of my stomach. Baby is a growin'!

I haven't been eating much lately. Hubs wonders why I haven't been eating chocolate or any sweets lately and I can only guess its because it is too much effort. I only crave fresh, whole foods. Seriously healthy stuff. A fresh peach is pure heaven to me. Real meat and salad and asparagus. Wondrous! Unfortunately, I really do not feel like preparing anything. Or, the thought of the clean-up puts me off. I can do one thing, but not the other. I need help but don't want to ask the hubby for it because he is busy all the time, too. Even though I go to be hungry, when I wake up I am fine.

I am more exhausted than I let on because then I will have to sit through another one of hubby's "you're doing too much, march your water-logged body into the bedroom right now and take a fucking nap" lectures. Then, he will take our son somewhere to play and I miss out. I hate missing out on family fun.

Little man has been especially trying lately. He wants to exert his authority big time. Unfortunately he is still too little to do the high-flying acrobatics he thinks he can do. We constantly have to play bad cop and tell him no and all the poor fella wants to do is climb on top of the entertainment center and jump off. We are sooooo unreasonable. Can you imagine the injuries we will have to deal with because our son is an extreme sports junkie? I freak when he gets a bug bite, how will I ever survive?

Oh, and baby #2 still has no name in sight. He will forever be called "the fetus." Or, "Yentl." (He was conceived during our Hanukkah celebration. Who am I kidding? We were all sicker than sick during Hanukkah so he is the result of and only celebration we did during Hanukkah 2007.)

Well, the lesbians are getting restless. They are moving furniture or humping or something exceptionally loud upstairs so I think it is time to retire to the couch and fall asleep in the middle of my show.

Honestly a liar

2008-04-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

You might have heard me say many times over that my mother is a liar. A mean, nasty liar. But, do not let me get started on the whole "Mom's famous, totally invented, best peanut butter fudge recipe in the whole wide world" fiasco. It is too painful a lie to relive at the moment. Let's just leave it at her being a known liar.

So isn't my dead grandma. Yeah, I know that sounds mean, but god knows I loved that woman. This woman made the most delicious biscuits in the WORLD. They have only been duplicated on a few occasions, namely, immediately after she taught me how to make them. During the move from New Mexico to Ohio, the most regrettable experience in so many ways, the recipe got lost. I have tried and tried to recreate it over the last few years and even begged her to share it again. She would have loved to but her memory started to fail her and thus, the recipe, unless I can find it in the chaos of my cooking records, is lost to the culinary world forever. And ever.

So, back to her being a liar. I had a kick ass visit with good old Maw back in November of 2007. Such a wonderful visit that I am blessed that it is my last memory of hanging out with her. We discussed the biscuits and my sorrow and she asked me why I just didn't get the recipe off of the back of the bag of Gold Medal, self-rising flour.

Yeah. She asked that.

Well, gee, granny. I guess I would do that but this was supposed to be your recipe. You know, the recipe that I grew up watching you make? Watching you measure ingredients out merely by eying them? You know, the biscuit you learned how to make as a young woman?

How in the hell was I supposed to know that Gold Medal flour has been around as long as dirt and your mom got the recipe off of the back of the bag?

Of course, over the years it has been tweaked here and there, kind of like an old story that gains and loses some of the original details. Still, I had no idea and I am left remembering my lovely dead grandma as the lying, recipe switcher that she really was.

Hmmm.....maybe I should forgive my mom for the Peanut Butter Fudge lie. I mean, she comes by this honestly.

Anyway, all this was brought on by a discussion me and a professor about the Pillsbury Bake-Off Winner. Apparently you can submit recipes to their contest every year for a chance to win a million dollar prize. And, of course, the opportunity to be a known ass-kicking baker.

Peanut butter cookies won out this year. I got the recipe and plan to make them this weekend. My men love peanut butter cookies and I'd like to be able to take some in to work and see if they really are worth on million dollars.

Stay tuned for my results.

Fathers and sons and the mothers they leave behind, part 1

2008-04-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hubs says it is time to potty train the kiddo. I agree. We should have done it sooner but had no clue how to do it. I am still amazed that someone in this world thought it was a sound idea to let us have a kid without a manual.

Anyway, hubs was showing son how to use the potty. I overheard him say something like, "Good job. I think we just had a teachable moment."

I replied that I was glad they were able to bond so well and what does the turd say back to me?????

"You wouldn't understand, you're just a bitch."

My vagina has excluded me from the club, once again.

Plain old random crap about life lately

2008-04-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

The husband and I are in the process of buying a home. Our first home together. It is quite exciting and disturbing all at once. We love the thrill of knowing we will be able to paint our walls whatever we want (a horrid hindrance of renting) and can hang up pictures and make the place our own.
The house we found has three bedrooms, hardwood floors, 1.5 bathrooms, a complete loft upstairs, built in oak shelves and desks, claw-footed bathtub, fireplace, privacy-fenced backyard, fig and orange trees, finished back yard entertaining area, a carved spiral staircase....the list goes on. It is totally in our budget but needs a few repairs that we are unsure about how to do. Now, we know we need to get inspections and estimates but how do you know your specialist is truly honest? Our Realtor, a very nice lady, offers to help us with references but we must keep in mind that no matter how lovely she is (feeds the poor, means a lot to us; is very religious, means nothing whatsoever in terms of credit) she is still a Realtor who makes money off of the sale and is also the owner of the home in question. We want independent people.
Anyway, it is a kick ass house and I would love to get it, not just because we love it, but also because it would get the Realtor and lending agents to stop calling me ten times a day. Once they know you're on the market, they are on the prowl.

The charger to my camera is MIA. It is somewhere in this office. It wouldn't be such a tragedy, and isn't really, but we would like to take some pics of the house and the totally awesome things our son does.

We are having a boy. And, I can't think of a single name. Whenever I try, I go blank. I still have a few months but brainstorming is useless. Oh, and I can't tell you how many people seem genuinely disappointed that he will be our second son. So many people were rooting for a girl. Imagine the reactions I got from people when I told them the gender!!! Friends, grandparents, teachers at our son's school...... You would think I told them I had some disease the way they pitied me and said that I really needed a girl. Personally, I am thrilled.

The second season of Rome has been ordered. Can't wait to get it! We watched the entire series last year and got season one for a Christmas gift. We broke down and ordered season two ourselves. So excited!

My son likes hempmilk! A friend recommended it to me since I am concerned about dairy. It is my opinion, no matter how much it may disagree with yours, that kids drink entirely way too much cow's milk. Even if it is organic, people overdo it. To me, overindulgence on it is almost as bad as giving a young child soda. Cow's milk has been linked to excessive weight gain in childhood and obesity, not to mention skin, gastrointestinal, and allergy issues. Bad freaking news. Anyway, I found it, bought it, and tried it. HE LOVES IT! Way better than soy because it is void of that weird aftertaste. I cannot do soy. Well, Soy Slender rocks because it is mild, but regular soy sucks. Rice milk isn't too bad, but this hempmilk is great. A bit pricey, but it's my kid we're talking about it. Your health is something you should invest in.

I got rid of my Martha Stewart Living Magazines! I've been a member of Freecycle since 2004 and I have to say that this was my best offer to date. I have had a subscription since 2006 and it had accumulated to the point of no return. I felt overwhelmed by the huge stack of mags on my homekeeping shelf in the kitchen. Too many. I offered my collection, save for a few of my faves, and within an hour I had emails. We're talking a few dozen magazines in excellent condition.

The gal came round today and picked up the box from my porch. I feel a bit freer today. Even if I am in my second trimester and exhausted from yesterday's activities.

Speaking of yesterday... and this weekend in general.

We went to the Port A Sandfest thing yesterday. It is an annual event and it is a pretty cool competition. We walked the beach for miles, literally. We got to see a ton of really cool sand sculptures and we partied in the water like there was no tomorrow. Ok, so we party every damn day at the beach.

Got a pain in the ass sunburn as I was too busy making sure son and husband had sunscreen reapplied to remember my own skin. I am royally red. So much so that we didn't go to the beach today. Oh, and a bra was out of the question. Straps hurt like hell.

In lieu of the beach, we went to the Windfest today. This is also an annual event, not anywhere near being impressive. Even on a small scale. But we went and ate a funnel cake. Haven't had one of those since I was a preteen. Little man went nuts over it and it truly was delicious. The highlight of my day since my husband is a total pussy and would not do this bungee bounce thing. Something about feeling bad since there were tons of kids in the line and he hated to take a turn away from them. Little shits would get their turn, I promise. I wanted to see some husband flying through the air, a la Matrix, extreme bouncing! Pussy.

Oh, did I mention...

2008-04-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

that I am knocked-up? We have our ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully we will get a solid idea of a due date and perhaps a gender. I am also being checked for multiples (as in two) because I popped out real quick.

So, we obviously hope for a healthy baby. That is obvious and only really said when you are pregnant. Beforehand, people wish for all sorts of crap. When the deed is done, it is then you think "Oh shit. Hope all is well. Don't care what gender, just as long as it is healthy."

But do I wish for anyone in particular? A boy would be nice so that little man can have a brother. I remember growing up wishing I had a sister. Someone to commiserate with. I had an older brother (6 years older) but we never got along and he had no interest in having a sibling. For years I thought it had something to do with the age gap, then I realized he was just spoiled. My hubby is his age and I have close friends (some of them used to be his) that are his age. They all say he's just an ass, so not to take it personally. I now haven't spoken to him in two years, so maybe that is for the best. I have a one year old brother who is a sweetheart, but no sister. Only surrogate sisters.

So having another son would be great.

But, we can only come up with girl names. We've already decided on one (and it is a secret). Try as we may, boy names are just not there. This makes me think this is a girl. Went through the same thing first time around.

I guess we'll find out tomorrow afternoon. Or, sometime in the late summer/early fall.

The hell upstairs

2008-04-13T15:42:00.001-07:00

I love living in a duplex. I love the giant lesbians we have living above us. They are my favorite!

A while back, got in a fight with gal #1 over not cleaning up her dog's shit from our yard. Oh, and they were not allowed dogs. It all escalated with her yelling obscenities at me and proving herself to fit into many different stereotypes of many different types of losers/dickwads/all-around asses.

Anyway, there is a ton of attitude up there. Mainly by the one girl. I feel bad for her partner and my friend up there. How they live with her is beyond me. She yells and berates them. And, they are very large women, easily 3oo pounds each (taking an upstairs unit was not a smart move) and they stomp like you would not believe. Immediately after the altercation, husband had a talk with them and they were on their best behavior. You could hear them walk, but they did not stomp. Now they stomp. Well, one of them does.

So yesterday, hubby and I got home from the store. We were in the driveway unloading the groceries when they pull up behind us. Normally, we move out of the way but today we only had a few bags left to get out. Hubby waved to them and we finished quickly. Not even a full minute. Just long enough to move three bags and a watermelon about 15 feet.

Apparently not quick enough for fat ass whore face. Once hubby got in the door, we heard all this yelling outside. "Fucking this, fucking that. Can't get into my fucking house when I want. Fuckers. Fuck. Fuck."

You know, we have yet to approach them when they drive 30mph down the driveway. Or to ask them not to smoke (many things, btw) because the smoke enters in our bedroom and laundry room. Or to be a little quieter when they have sex and masturbate. And let me tell you, I have never heard someone carry on so much with a vibrator. Moaning. Loud. I have also never heard such a loud vibrator, either. I have had tons of them and....well, nevermind. Did I yell at them this weekend when I was trying to sleep but had to listen to their television? Did I complain that they watched The First Wives's Club twice????

Anyway, hubby and I are going out with the Realtor this evening to look at houses. Hopefull something will pan out in the next couple of months.

I would hate to have this baby at this house.

PS to Veronica: I promise only happy thoughts now. I had to get it off my chest. But I am well now.

What am I thinking???

2008-04-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

This week I have worked myself to death. I have truly overdone it. I think all of my accomplishments would have been difficult for a non-knocked-up gal!

Anyway, lots of crap going on at work. We had a book sale that I donated tons of time to, a teacher appreciation event I helped decorate for, tons of grading and class preparation, the kid, the hubby and no time por moi.

Yesterday, I left my home at 6:45am and got back around 8:30pm. Not normally considered excessive but when you consider I was on my feet all day and my ankles looked like Shrek's by the time I got home, then yeah, it was excessive. My midwife would be so on me if she knew.

Couldn't sleep last night. Little one had a tummy ache from 2am-4am and hubby was snoring like the devil, all night. I finally got out of the bed and rolled my ass to the couch only to be greeted with the beautiful howls of two felines making love, sweet love, outside the window. Oh, and it lasted 45 minutes. I was actually praying that they would die. Cold, I know, but I was so tired. Got to sleep around 5 and up at 6:35. I taught today at 8am for an hour and have to loiter around until our 2:30pm meeting. I am desperate for a pillow so I can curl up on the cold tiles of my office and sleep.

Oh, and ankles are still huge. It is embarrassing.

Why did I ever think I could commit myself to all of this crapola this week?

If you want something done, give it to a busy person. How can I be less busy?

Baby, baby, baby

2008-04-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

The mother and a few of the friends have asked about a baby registry. I have to say that I am less than thrilled at the thought of looking through baby items. Most expectant mothers are elated for that sort of task but not I. I find shopping utterly boring and when I look around my home and see a billion things cluttering each room, the thought of registering for more things, no matter how needed or mighty useful they would be, overwhelms me.

I am hoping against hope that the nesting thing will kick in during this pregnancy. It didn't the first time around. But this time I am uber sensitive to gore (murdering cockroaches, cat vomit, the litterbox), sad movie previews (I cried at The Pursuit of Happyness preview), inspiring moments in sports history (don't ask!) and Air Supply.

Yeah, bad news.

So perhaps this time I will actually get that nesting thing, clean out my house and be eager to accept new clutter in my home. Ah, I think I will list more items on Freecycle so that I feel good about sharing my clutter with someone else.

I'll get on that after I take a nap.

You know you're pregnant when...

2008-04-01T20:43:00.001-07:00

Ok, I know that at some point in time, people who I do not want to hear/read how foul my mouth/keyboard really is, will. It is inevitable. So I apologize for the following although I whole-heartedly mean it:

Fuck subrogation. In the ass. Hard.

I just finished reading about a new development in a story I have followed for the last few days. I have been crying my eyes out with joy. I want to make love to Wal-Mart right at this very moment.

They finally got it right. Too bad it took some major backlash to do it, but I even believe my dear friend Shauna will think about smiling in Wal-Mart's direction for this move. Note: I said think about. She doesn't smile.

This pregnant crying crap has got to stop. I hate behaving like such a sissy girl. Hmmmm... I must be having a girl since this did not happen the first time around.

What ever happened to wampum?

2008-03-26T13:31:00.001-07:00

You know how they say that money is the root of all evil? Following that belief, if we did away with money, wouldn't the world be a better place? Especially for those of us who do not have a ton of money?

Here's my dilemma. We are expecting our second babe. I do not have health insurance because the insurance through my job is outrageously expensive at the moment and when it came time to enroll in it, I didn't because of 1.) the cost and 2.) without the certainty of a contract next fall, it would probably be canceled on me before the birth. What is the point?

Hubby does not have insurance because he operates under his own business and is an independent contractor, a popular way people get employed down here because the employers do not have the expense of providing benefits.

Don't qualify for Medicaid. Make way too much money.

So that leaves me in the self-pay bracket. Surprisingly, I am ok with that. I am doing a homebirth so the cost starts out pretty low. When researching the option of using my crotch doctor at the hospital, the minimum was $13,500. That is without providing me with after care essentials or my baby with diapers or a tshirt. Screw that. I'd rather take my chances at home and file for bankruptcy later should I have to transport.

Anyway, back to wampum. My situation makes me realize just how nasty money can be. I used to work in the medical field, the business side, and I know just how inflated the cost gets when a doctor bills and insurance company. They start with an acceptable minimum. They generally increase that by 150% for services and the sky is the limit for products. I have personally seen a $10 item get billed to my insurance for $185. I know exactly how much the item cost because the physical therapist bought their products from the company I used to work for!

Insurance companies will determine a reasonable and customary amount allowed, making the biller write off the overage. Then, the insurance pays a percentage and the patient is bill the remainder. In the end, the doctor usually gets at least his acceptable minimum. Of course, sometimes a patient will skip out or an insurance company will not pay and the provider takes a loss, but do not think for a second that the poor provider is in the red. They still make a killing or else they would not be in the business.

It is a total racket. Health insurance sucks. The last year hubby and I had health coverage, our total cost between copays, uncovered services, premiums and other crap was close to $16,000. If we would have paid for each product and each procedure with cast, our total out of pocket expense would have been around $7,000.

Yeah, I know.

Insurance is good for catastrophes unless you are fortunate enough to have a kick-ass plan and a kick-ass employer who values employee health. And if that is the case, I am going to kick your ass. Pregnant belly and all, I will leap like a lemur and crush you.

Why can't we just use wampum? Or chocolate? Or roast beef sandwiches?

What would any rational person do?

2008-03-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the title should really read "What would Jesse do?" since he is the most rational, logical person I have ever known but I am appealing to my readership with a catchy title. Some of you may not know my dear brother Jesse (sucks to be you) so we'll stick with my generic title.

Say your neighbors brought over a steaming hot plate, overflowing with delicious barbecue last night. They thought you would like some and they were damned right!

Say you had just eaten and were so excited to save that wonderful barbecue for later. Later comes and you were still full but your husband eats his half anyway.

Say you come home from work at lunchtime, after having salivated for HOURS at the thought of eating said barbecue only to find it missing from the fridge???

Yeah. That is exactly what happened.

A little a-hole by the name of Husband ATE IT FOR ME!

So, is it entirely unreasonable to divorce him?

A glance into the future...pure joy!

2008-02-22T15:32:00.001-08:00

Today was a great day. I peeked my head around the side of the house and AHHA! My kumquat tree is getting ready to fruit!

This might not seem joyful to you, my dear ~~stalkers~~ readers, but to me it is utter bliss.

I have been planning to make kumquat marmalade since last fall. I am a huge fan of canning and look forward to new recipes that keep me in the goodies. I mean, yummy non-perishables on the shelf is like money in the bank. We are anti-Adkins Diet freaks in this household, so bread is our staple of choice. Anything you can slather on it is so choice!

Kumquats are to die for (not quite like fresh-from-the-tree figs, though nothing in this world is that great) and the prospect of making something new thrills me to no end.

Imagine the bursting sweet goodness married with the tart snap of the skin...

Love that shit!

Why my husband is the greatest man on the face of the earth

2008-02-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

(since my grandpa is dead, I can say that with all honesty)

As I have mentioned time and time again, Hubalicious puts the babe to bed. All the time with only a few exceptions. Babe just wants to rock out when I am around but he knows that Daddy means business.

Anyway, about 20 minutes ago I walked in the bedroom to take a t-shirt to Hubs. He had just got the little guy out of the shower and was getting him ready for bed. Guess what I walked in on?

Hubby singing "Nothings too tough" from the Backyardigans while dressing the boy. He knew the lyrics!!!! And, was man enough to sing them proudly to a two-year-old.

I have told my co-workers and friends that I think of myself as a good mum. I smother my fella with love and terrorize him with smootches all the time. But then I also add that my husband out moms me any day! Does that make sense? He is super caring, ridiculously patient, FUN, and more interactive than any other father I have ever seen.

Like today, he took D to wash and clean the car and out for a romp in the park. (They usually go there to pick up the ladies.) He did this all while I took a nap. I had felt nasty all day and Hubby knew he wanted me to get some sleep so that I wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of our video night tonight. (I haven't stayed awake in the middle of a movie in months! I get that from my dad.) So while my lazy ass is snoozing, my son is climbing trees, eating bugs, and looking at women with his Daddy!

Oh, and did I mention that my husband puts up with me? That deserves a ton of accolades right there!

Now if only he would read my blog on his own without my prompting.....