Lucy Lime

Happy Birthday, Husband!

Weeks from now, when you get around to reading my blog, you will find this post in your honor. You will get to read how that lovely chocolate pie that the aunts make, and that you want me to make you for your birthdays, well....it's recipe went missing.

I had it yesterday. This morning even. Unfortunately, when I asked you where the pie pan was.... well I placed the recipe card on top of it. And since the pie pan is missing, so is the recipe.

So, instead of freaking out, I thought... WWHD? (What would Hamish Do?) He would search Lochdubh far and wide to find the missing recipe. I did that. I think it got thrown away somehow. I am at a huge loss.

So, WWHD? if it were no where to be found. He'd get on the fucking internet and find a fucking recipe and pray that it tasted fucking good.

So that is how your pie was made.

I love you and happy birthday!

Labels: birthday, food, husband

Ok, so the title should really read "What would Jesse do?" since he is the most rational, logical person I have ever known but I am appealing to my readership with a catchy title. Some of you may not know my dear brother Jesse (sucks to be you) so we'll stick with my generic title.

Say your neighbors brought over a steaming hot plate, overflowing with delicious barbecue last night. They thought you would like some and they were damned right!

Say you had just eaten and were so excited to save that wonderful barbecue for later. Later comes and you were still full but your husband eats his half anyway.

Say you come home from work at lunchtime, after having salivated for HOURS at the thought of eating said barbecue only to find it missing from the fridge???

Yeah. That is exactly what happened.

A little a-hole by the name of Husband ATE IT FOR ME!

So, is it entirely unreasonable to divorce him?

Labels: food, husband, theif

So, my little boy is in love with peanut butter. And pizza. He could be stuffed like a relleno and you wave a cheesy slice of pizza or a spoon full of peanut butter in his direction and watch out!!! He is ON IT!

Anyway, as my loving charge and his tablespoon of peanut butter was taking the house by storm this afternoon, my husband brought up a beautiful childhood memory.

When he was little, he and his father would take a plate of peanut butter, smother it with syrup (yeah, you read that right) and eat it up with spoons. While it is a sweet memory (one that I never had as all my parents ever did was beat me - I kid, I kid!) it made me want to barf. SYRUP! Now I like sweets, probably even more than the next guy, but SYRUP?

Sweet Jesus!

Then there's his mother. Apparently her culinary skills left a lot to be desired when Hubs and his two older sisters were growing up. They supposedly developed a taste for salsa to help give the food flavor. I guess my father-in-law was told to eat less salt and watch all the things that men end up having to watch so my mother-in-law, being in love with her husband and not wanting him to die an untimely food-related death, decided that bland food was the way to preservation.

I think it is sweet.

So in need of salt, the kids added salsa to everything. (And just in case the mom-in-law ever reads this, Hubby is not the only one to offer up woeful tales of childhood meals. Amy and Sue did it, too. So don't just ground him!)

In her defense, I have never had anything unsavory at her dinner table. And she makes the BEST praline cookie in the galaxy. Oh wait! The broccoli salad made me cringe but that was my own doing because I have an irrational fear of Miracle Whip. It's gotta be Hellman's all the way, baby. Even when I was knocked up and the 10-hr car ride up to visit them made me want to barf, she boiled me a boring old chicken breast and it was the BEST tasting boiled chicken breast. But I do think it is super duper weird that mom-in-law admits that she never liked vegetables. She's a GIRL. Aren't girls supposed to like veggies by default?

That is blasphemy. Especially since she has been married to a dirt scientist for NASA for over 50 years! He knows his soil and he can grow a mean garden. I would be in heaven if my husband could do that!

Oh, and his eldest sister eats jalapeños for a breakfast snack! I've seen it. And eating them raw, sliced up will clear you out. I've lived it.

The middle sister is relatively normal as far as I can tell but exceptionally picky if you listen to her mother and the other sister tell it. And I never really see her eat. Hmmmm.....

Anyway, the whole peanut butter thing threw me and got me thinking about my super weird hubby and his weird family. I love them but they are still exceptionally weird.

Labels: food, hubby, in-laws, weird people